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"Heero Yuy, L6, and the Second Suit Wars "Part 2Written By: ELLE Disclaimer: I don't own the characters from Gundam
Wing (unfortunately) and they were used without permission, but all
the words are my own. Rating: NC 17 Warnings: occurs post-EW, language, angst, sex,
hopefully acceptable OOC, 1st person POV (*shudder* sorry, no way
around it!), plus a ton of minor and a few major OCs (since it's 1st
person, you get to avoid dealing with them too much.) Pairings: 1x2x1 plus others TBD Summary: Jack Kaufmann has no recollection of the braided man who claims they were once more than friends, but his quest to recover his memories leads him to discover a plot much larger than himself that is a threat to the peace he'd once fought to protect... The lovely Miss-Murdered beta'd this for me and frankly this story wouldn't exist without her encouragement.
"A Former Life Reprised" 2.4 The Reunion
After a night of packing we woke up early the next morning to hit the bank and take out the rest of the credits I'd left for Jack. I was a little bit surprised to discover that Jack drove a Porsche. Duo laughed and assured me he wasn't as inconspicuous as Heero and winked before climbing into the driver's seat. I couldn't help but wonder if Jack drove Duo around in this car. If he was more romantic and interesting than I was. I tried to get a grip on myself. We were starting a mission. It was unfortunate that I wasn't able to repair our relationship before the mission started - I honestly didn't realize we would be on one so soon or maybe I would've tried more drastic measures - but I wasn't going to have the luxury of sitting around, loathing myself and the situation and longing after Duo. Duo insisted on coming into the bank with me and when I walked up to the counter I had the disconcerting experience of remembering the girl as I met her for the first time. It was a strange déjà vu that I forced myself to get through by shear willpower alone. "Ahhh, Mr. Kaufmann?" she questioned, concern in her eyes. "How was Tahiti?" I wasn't entirely sure what she was talking about but I went with it. "I had to cut the trip short, actually. Had a bit of a rock climbing accident. Smashed my knee," I explained curtly and she gasped. "Oh, no! I hope you're okay," she soothed, giving Duo a sideways glance. "And on your honeymoon, too. Poor things." I was impressed that neither of us flinched at the suggestion given our current relationship status. Years of undercover work paid off... but what the hell had Jack told this woman? Suddenly I felt Duo's arm wrap around my waist and his nose nuzzled against my ear. I'm sure I looked like a newlywed as the touch I so craved made my breath catch and my hands tremble slightly. "S'not so bad," he drawled sweetly at the girl. "Got ta take s'more time off work to take care of this lug." And then he smacked the back of my head and his touch was gone. I regained control of my weak body and mind and explained that I had to take out the rest of the money to pay for the surgery and she complied easily. I left some in there just to keep the account open but had her split the rest and place it on two different prepaid cards so that we didn't have to carry around forty thousand credits in bills and then we were off. Duo couldn't help but tease her - and likely me, I'm sure he noticed my reaction at the desk, he noticed every damn time he'd ever affected me - by slipping a hand across my ass as we left, fondling it gratuitously. I fell into the car with an irritated huff, standing half-mast and knowing there was nowhere to go but down. "Aw, come on," Duo teased, so damn self-satisfied that he had the upper hand. "You enjoyed it." He knew I did so I saw no reason to give him any more satisfaction with a response. Instead I shifted uncomfortably and settled in for a wonderful five-hour car ride to Sanc. Between my dark thoughts and Duo's off-key singing I was just about ready to jump out of the car by the time we pulled up to an expansive cottage. Relena's idea of a cottage. A three-story structure with balconies and fifteen windows across positioned on what I guessed was ten acres of land replete with manicured bushes and fenced in flowers. Her and her fiancé Edward - husband, likely, at this point - were standing in the doorway as Duo parked and I limped out behind him. They met us halfway to the house, Relena striding forward with intensity written across her face. But unfortunately, I missed the deep seated anger, although apparently Duo didn't, because he side-stepped and only moments later, before I had a chance to process his action, I felt the startling sting of her back-handing me across the face. "You selfish bastard!" she snapped at me, visibly shaking as she restrained herself and I stared at her in surprise. I heard the throaty sound of Duo's genuine laughter pass me as he walked over to Edward, placed a hand on his shoulder - Edward's surprised look surely mimicking my own - and told him they 'oughta give us a minute,' sparing a sympathetic glance in my direction and shaking his head before leaving me with the pissed off former queen. "Relena," I started smoothly, hoping to pacify her. "No!" she interrupted, not allowing me to finish. "Somewhere along the way I learned to expect that you would break your promises to me, but to him? I accepted that you didn't love me years ago, I even managed to be happy for you. I thought you found someone that understood you and accepted you." She laughed shortly, perversely. "Ah, how foolish I was! I should've been worried about him, not you, because no matter what you'll just disregard everyone else's feelings in favor of your own selfish motives." She hit me with a horrible look that made me feel instantaneous guilt. Not that I hadn't felt enough of that over the past few weeks anyway. "How could you leave him like that?" "I had a good reason," I retorted bitterly, not wanting her narrow-minded, idealistic opinion on my actions. "He loves you." I noted her eyes starting to water and I was stunned at the level of compassion she was showing for Duo. He understated their friendship greatly. "Truly loves you, not some idealized version the way I did, not some knight in shining armor, but you, and you just walked away from that." "I had my reasons," I repeated angrily, taking a step forward with the intent to walk past her, but she held out a hand to stop me. "How could you do that?" Christ, but she wouldn't let up. No one was as persistent as she was. "How? If you don't love him enough to stay this time you better just walk away right now because I won't let you hurt him again." "Don't you think I might have left because I love him?" I growled, failing to see how this was any of her business in the first place but tired of being accused of not loving him when the feeling had been practically crushing me under its oppressive weight since I woke up in the hospital over four weeks ago. I had finally seemed to derail her, though, and she looked at me critically. I shifted my weight, uncomfortable from standing on my recovering knee for so long, and crossed my arms over my chest. A bit defensive, maybe, but old habits die hard. "You have a lot of explaining to do," she informed me as she drew herself up to full height, giving me the distinct impression she was trying to look down her nose at me despite being several inches shorter. "Can I do it with Duo?" I asked, running a hand over my face wearily. She gave me one last hard glance before escorting me into the mansion and across to the large patio out back where Duo was reclined in a seat with his boots up on the table, chugging back iced tea and expounding at length upon Edward. It was so normal. He looked so normal. Like none of this had ever happened. Like he was still my lover, this was just a day trip, and we'd return to Lyon together, climb into bed together, and laugh about Relena slapping me. But that was ridiculous so I sat down next to him and Relena sat between her husband and me. "I was just telling Ed what a stubborn bastard you are," Duo chuckled, shaking his head, but there was a certain hardness in his eyes when looked at me that I knew all too well. Duo had no allies, he was his own man, and even those he loved could become enemies if they crossed him just once. "Pushing yourself around that apartment with a busted knee and five cracked ribs. Stupid, stubborn bastard." I took a deep breath and steeled myself. I had a feeling I was about to be torn apart by everyone sitting at that table, sooner or later. Although I suppose Edward didn't have an issue with me. That I was aware of. "But that's neither here nor there," Duo waved diplomatically. "Unfortunately, this ain't a social call. We gotta get to L6." "So he's going to take you with him this time?" Relena asked in a demure way, without sparing a glance for me. I knew was one of those scathing, underhanded comments politicians employed. "Wouldn't have believed it if the words hadn't have come straight from his lips," Duo quipped back with an evil smirk. "Still can't be sure." "L6 isn't an easy place to get into." Relena spared me another character judgment. "Neither is Heero Yuy but I've gotten in there more than once." Duo drummed the table triumphantly while Relena tittered, Edward looked horrified, and I finally gave in to the urge to roll my eyes. At this point, I would've just taken over this conversation, but Duo was doing much better with Relena than I had been up to that moment and I was afraid that if I asked for anything I would immediately be denied. So I had to leave it in his more than capable hands, even if that meant more than one crude joke at my expense. "Well, you're likely going to have to go in disguised," she mused after regaining her composure. "That's the plan," Duo agreed, swirling his ice in his cup. "Or just stow away. I'm cool with that too." "Too risky," Relena stated absolutely. "I've heard of how they check those ships on docking. Even for you... it would be nearly impossible to pass by unnoticed. Not only that, but they have rigorous daily checks of all their employees and random worksite inspections." She shook her head. "So we'll go in as employees," Duo shrugged, flicking his eyes in my direction. "'Ro can get us in, right?" It was the first time he'd used my nickname since we'd been reunited. I tried not to stare. "I am confident," I said simply. "I'm not," Relena replied, shaking her head. "I don't think it would be so easy to hack into their system. If they're that strict on security... It might not matter though." We both gave her a questioning look as she stared thoughtfully at Edward. They seemed to come to some kind of agreement because she finally looked up at Duo. "Nexxus is recruiting pretty heavily right now, but they're having some problems," she explained. "Their security clearance for construction workers is abnormally high. Much higher than is reasonable for the jobs they're looking for. Frankly, we all know most construction workers these days are either old soldiers with little education or failed rehabilitation attempts or just people hard up from the war. Not exactly types that can get clearance and they're having a difficult time hiring to capacity through the normal channels. "I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but Edward works with the European Unit of the ESUN on human welfare projects which includes employment initiatives. They approached Edward - privately - with some... 'unique' propositions that he categorically declined." Duo raised a speculative eyebrow and I couldn't help but scowl. Great. A shady company gets even shadier. "How unique can it get? They're looking for construction workers," Duo stated dismissively. "They're looking for a slave workforce," Edward interjected, the first time I'd heard him speak today. "What?" Duo asked, incredulous, almost choking on his tea. "How do they think they're gonna manage that?" "Memory reconstruction," Edward had answered simply, but I felt my mouth go dry and my stomach churn. Did I play some part in this? Were they going to utilize my technique to brainwash people into building their fucking colony? "What do you mean, memory reconstruction?" Duo prodded. I noted how his eyes flicked towards me so quickly you would have missed it if you hadn't known him as intimately as I did. He certainly knew a bit more than I told him, but I wondered to what extent Jack knew. What he had shared. "They explained to me they had a process whereby they could reshape a person's memories and implant a false persona over top. A persona that could work happily on L6 with no other desires until the job was done. Then, they would remove that persona and send them on their way with no memory of what they'd done." Edward sounded truly disgusted by the concept. I was equally disgusted - but mostly because I was pretty sure whoever approached Edward was lying. I couldn't figure out how Jack had come to the conclusion that brain trauma would reset me, but I counted myself lucky that it actually worked with seemingly little side effect. The consequences could've been much, much worse. All I knew was the procedure I created was meant to be permanent. "So what? Just scrounge up some citizens they think have pretty shitty lives, scramble their brains a bit, give 'em a shiny new life working on the colony? What kind of bullshit is that?" Duo asked, sitting up in his chair and facing Edward directly, anger written all over his face. "They said it could be 'consensual,'" Edward explained with a grimace. "They want people to volunteer?!" Duo's voice was growing louder and under normal circumstances I would've placed a hand on his shoulder or knee or something to ground him. He may not have had borderline personality, but his emotions could very easily get out of hand, especially since the war when he didn't have the constant outlet of missions and physical activity to exhaust him. "Why the fuck didn't you call them out on this?" "Who would we go to? We're as high up as it gets!" Even I could detect the helplessness and frustration in Edward's voice. "The fuckin' media for starters!" Duo burst out but Relena was quickly taking over for an emotionally compromised Edward. "They made him sign all kinds of confidentiality agreements before they even discussed the offer," Relena stepped in diplomatically, putting her hand over Edward's protectively. "They threatened to get him removed from his position if he told anyone. We've done so much good here; Sanc's employment numbers are rising all the time - as well as the rest of Europe. Overall our numbers are up twenty percent in the two years Ed's been there. We decided it was better just to avoid them. He's done so much good for the European Unit..." Duo simmered. I could tell he was thinking over plenty of retorts and biting his tongue on each one. "How does this help us?" I stepped in once it became obvious that Duo wasn't going to be able to compose himself enough to reprise the conversation. "We could still offer them some employees with clean records that could qualify for security clearance," Relena suggested with no small amount of hesitation. "Fuck that," Duo replied definitively. "I'm not giving those fuckers half a chance to fuck with my head, let alone 'Ro's!" He shook his head so hard his braid jerked back and forth behind him. Well, I knew that Nexxus made an attempt on his life - even if he didn't quite realize that's what they'd done - and I knew that he knew enough about Jack to know that I'd messed with my own head to create him. He might even suspect that I was in league with Nexxus when I'd done it. But neither Relena nor Edward knew any of that and they stared at him with unabashed curiosity at his strong reaction. "But they wouldn't have to," I argued. "We could give ourselves clean new records and be handed over as a peace offering by Edward. Maybe get a few other volunteers with nothing left after the war. Wipe their slates clean for them and swear them to secrecy. Tell Nexxus that you can offer them employees without requiring their extreme methods." Duo looked at me pointedly. Edward was agreeing with my suggestion but I was enraptured by those eyes, pushing his concern onto me. Now we knew there was obviously something on L6 - something big. Something they didn't want anyone to know about. Four years ago he would've never backed down from something as suspicious as this. Even if I hadn't been recruited by Nexxus for my knowledge on ZERO, it would still be suspicious as hell that they were threatening a politician into sending bodies to L6 for what basically amounted to reformatting. I wondered how many other people in the ESUN they'd approached. "But what if they mess with our minds against our will?" Duo asked, his voice sounding just a bit thin. His eyes changed then. Fear. Noted. "I just found - I can't - you fucking know what I mean," he muttered, dropping his eyes and grabbing his glass as a distraction, understandably not wanting to go into a big explanation in front of Relena. I sure as hell didn't want to. "It's a chance we'll have to take," I answered firmly. I wanted to reach out to him and reassure him, but remembering that mean look in his eyes earlier and the way he'd avoided my touch at every turn over the past month stopped me. "Shit, no we don't," he growled, looking off across the lawn, deep in thought. I gave him a moment, unable to help but wonder if he was wishing we were back in Lyon, wishing he'd never heard the name Nexxus. "No, we don't," Duo restated, completely sure of himself, no doubt in his voice as he turned back to look at me, then Relena. "We don't have to do this. The war is over. This isn't our fight. There are people we can notify. Une. Someone. I'm not fucking doing this." And then he was standing and walking back into the house. I was standing and Relena was standing but I motioned her to stay with my hand, giving her a look that clearly said that this was between us. I was grateful she didn't argue for once and instead, settled back down to share a worried look with Edward while I went after him. "Duo," I called when I found him starting off across the front lawn. "You're just going to leave me here?" He paused and reluctantly turned to look at me. The keys were in his hand. "Maybe," he admitted. Then changed his mind. "Yeah. I guess I was." "You really don't have to do this," I told him frankly. "But I do. Even if there's nothing else on L6, which I seriously doubt, I can't have Nexxus using my brain reconstruction technique to destroy other people's lives." I said it. I'd just come straight out and said it and the shocked look on Duo's face quickly shifted to pain and then determination. "Why do they always matter more than me?" he asked bluntly, crossing his arms over his chest again defensively. I scowled. Duo wasn't usually prone to this type of pettiness, but then he rarely doubted my affection. Not since the war. Not since I left Relena for Preventer. Not since we became official and I dedicated myself to making sure he would never doubt me again. For all the fucking good that did. "This whole damned situation is about you," I ground out, not wanting to disclose the whole truth but seeing no way around it. "They tried to kill you. Don't you get that? That shuttle explosion wasn't an accident. They broke their promise to me and tried to kill you. I'm going to find out what they're hiding and I'm going to make them pay." Then Duo looked very uncertain. I knew the way he thought, knew that he had probably tried to convince himself from the very moment heard about the explosion that it was an accident. Tried to override his innate paranoia, that piece of him that allowed him to survive the street, survive the war. But this time, I was sure it was right. "Is that why you left me? Because they were going to kill me?" The sound of my silence after his question was deafening. I hadn't wanted to divulge that much, my weakness, my inability to control myself or ZERO. But the look on his face, so desperate to know why I would just abandon him, needing to have a reason that was grounded in fact and not emotional suspicion about his worth... "No," I answered honestly and the crushed look on his face was nearly unbearable. I would've reached out and kissed him, held him, but in light of the confession I was about to make, it didn't seem prudent. "I was going to kill you." I almost couldn't bear to keep my eyes on his as they changed to a certain kind of horror I'd rarely seen on his face. Even when I was holding a gun on him in an OZ prison, intent on killing him, he didn't look as horrified. But he had to know, needed to know that I was serious. I was afraid. I wouldn't have left him if there had been any other choice, if I wasn't truly terrified that I would hurt him. And the truth was... I was still terrified. I hadn't had any vision from ZERO since the fall, but that didn't mean I wouldn't. That didn't mean I wouldn't still hurt him. "Heero...?" His voice was small, lost, and I knew he felt like everything he knew was crumbling around him. At least, that's how the confession felt to me. Fuck. If only I could kiss him, hold him, feel him solidly underneath me, it just seemed like everything would be so much easier. "I almost killed you," I whispered, unable to look at him any longer. My chest ached far worse than the cracked ribs ever did and I just wanted this moment to be over. Wanted him to leave or attack me or do whatever it was he felt he had to do to protect himself from me. "When?" he asked quietly. I dared not look at him. "A few months after the cabin," I confessed, only realizing in that moment how my hands had been clenched into fists. "Why?" His voice was just as quiet and unsure as before. "Something happened to me. I think the jet ski accident triggered residual effects of ZERO in my head and I..." I paused, swallowing hard as memories of that night came back to me. The way I cradled my gun against his temple. "Quatre and I tried to fix it, but we couldn't. And when I woke up with my gun trained on you I..." I panicked. I lost all control. I couldn't cope. I did everything that Heero Yuy would've never done, should've never done. The threat was too close to home, too personal. And I panicked. I shut down. "Fuck," he said simply. Duo. Always so damned eloquent. And suddenly my knees felt weak. I don't know. Maybe it was a combination of all the strong emotions and how out of shape I was and the fact that my knee was still recovering but I felt myself start to crumple and on the way down a memory seared into my brain. I was talking, standing with Duo, on a balcony, and he was smoking, and upset. Really upset. "My love for you is pure, unadulterated. Maybe I was selfish at times and maybe I'm not enough for you but... Heero left me all of his love - for you." But I was Heero...? Strong arms were leading me down to the ground, helping me straighten my leg so that I wouldn't hurt it. "I just need you to know that. That I loved you honestly. That I never meant for any of this. I just want you to be happy. I know that's all Heero wanted when he created me." I buried my head against my other, bent knee, the splitting headache from the memory forcing its way through my fucked up head, my ribs aching as I breathed heavily. It had to be Jack's memory. He knew. He understood my motives and he told Duo. Hopefully Duo understood. Hopefully he understood... And then Duo's arm was wrapped around my shoulder, pulling me close into him, his head resting against mine and I felt my throat constrict with the amount of emotion I couldn't control in this ridiculous, pathetic state I was in. God, how I needed that touch. That familiarity. The touch of the only person I'd ever let close to me, the only person I ever trusted to touch me like that. "If you only knew the shit I thought," Duo said quietly and I envied his composure. "Mostly I thought that I did something to drive you away. I mean, after Relena's wedding and I gave up all hope that you were ever coming back..." I felt him squeeze me a bit tighter with those depressed words. "I thought just me, being who I was, was so repulsive to you that you couldn't handle it anymore and would rather separate yourself from all of us than have to deal with me any longer. I felt so hollow. So alone." "No," I choked out hoarsely, embarrassed by how my voice sounded. "For months I watched you die by my hands so many times. Over and over." I could feel that I was shaking and he turned his face into mine so that his nose pressed against my cheek, comforting me. "I'm still scared," I admitted. "Scared it'll start again." I found my head falling on his shoulder and I buried my face into his neck, feeling so damned guilty as I breathed in the warm and earthy scent of him. Warm. Alive. Maybe I had hurt him, but he was still alive. For now. I only realized I was crying when my breathing became difficult and the pain in my ribs became nearly unbearable. It was hard for me to even think of my actions as pathetic because for fucks sake I nearly killed him. I nearly killed this handsome, funny, intelligent, generous, caring man. I nearly killed the man I loved. And though I knew that, knew it from the moment I'd woken up in the hospital, I had never felt it like that. All that shit came back to me then. All the fear, living every day wondering if that day would be the day that I would actually do it. The day I'd actually kill him. Eventually I felt myself start to calm down as I focused on the thought that I'd succeeded in protecting him thus far. And I tried to take a few deep breaths but it hurt. I guess Duo knew I was coming back to myself again because he brought his hand up from where it was holding my shoulder to ruffle my hair. "We've got an audience," he mumbled, an amused hint in his voice. But then he was serious. "Just... If it starts up again, just tell me. Like you should've in the first place." The words hurt though they contained no venom. Maybe I should've told him. Hindsight is 20/20. But I'm not sure I would've done anything differently. It was hard enough to tell him now, and we're not even together. If he had walked out on me then... Well. That realization made me feel like a bit more than a total dick. He stood then and helped me up. We approached the house to meet Relena at the front door. She was clearly surprised and worried and led us down to a little bathroom so I could freshen up. How goddamned humiliating. I leaned heavily on the sink, staring at my puffy red eyes, and fought down the urge to shatter my reflection. I really had to get a fucking grip if I was going to infiltrate L6 and find out what Nexxus was up to as well as protect Duo. From them and myself. I poured cool water over the hand towel and pressed it to my face. It was soothing and it helped settle my turbulence. I realized then that Relena and Duo were arguing outside and I quieted my breathing to focus on them. "- should be the one who's upset. He should be comforting you out there!" "You don't understand," Duo defended himself. "I've had plenty of years to distance myself from -" "Well, so did he!" Relena snapped impatiently. Duo paused. I knew he didn't want to have to tell her the truth without my permission, even if it would get her off his back. "Look, 'Lena, I appreciate the concern, but I can handle Heero Yuy. Always could." He chuckled introspectively. "I sought out his shit. Even as a fifteen-year-old kid I knew he was trouble, that even if he was capable of something like reciprocal love he'd eventually break my heart. Didn't stop me. So the disappearing act for a coupla years? Ain't gonna stop me either." "Four years!" Relena reminded him petulantly. "Drop in the bucket." There was silence between them and I would've laughed at the image of Relena's flabbergasted face my mind supplied if I wasn't so foolishly enamored by Duo's replies. "That's love," Duo finally said quietly, so low I almost missed it. "That's the dumbfuck kinda love I feel for that man." "You're impossible!" she huffed back and I took that opportunity to finish up and walk out, deliberately acting calm and composed, as if I hadn't just heard their argument or Duo confessing that he still loved me. "Am I interrupting something?" I asked coolly, channeling a me from years past as I inspected them. "Nah, man. Just ready to get this show on the road and start talkin' 'bout how we are gonna infiltrate Nexxus." Duo smiled and seemed to be all warmth to my cold. His eyes betrayed him and I saw something there I hadn't seen for what felt like a very long time. Affection. Definitely noted.
~ * ~ tbc... |
